My good friend Matt Simmons once asked me why I didn’t write professionally after linking to him a conversation I had with my cousin showing a parallel of Santa Claus and child labor. He said that I was rather good at it. I don’t believe I said this at the time, Matt, but thank you. When I write something, I take pride in my work. If only you knew how long it takes me to write a single blog entry, no matter what the size. At this point, I’ve taken about five minutes, and this is only the sixth sentence I’ve written. I take my time, think most of my thoughts through thoroughly, and then actually write them. I’m even this way with online forums. If I have something to say that’s worth saying, I take my time doing it. Sometimes it’s masked by the speed at which I can type, but I do take my time.
Now back to Matt’s comments. I have thought about writing, but not really the way he was asking about. He mentioned writing for Game Informer as an example. Well, that would be a start, even if it is for one of the worst video game magazines out there (unless you include IGN as a magazine, then it’s hard to choose the bigger pile of shit). I should take that back, I have thought about reviewing video games, or just writing articles about the video game industry, but that’s not what I would really like to do. I’d like to write video games.
Now when I say write video games, I don’t mean program them. devry made me hate programming. I mean think up a story for a game, flesh out that story (as opposed to flushing out), then maybe writing some dialogue. Then have various programmers, musicians, and testers do the hard part and actually make my idea come to life. That’s the kind of writing that I want to do. So if you’re hiring, SquareEnix, I’m your man.
Well, I digress. I’ve decided that I haven’t done any creative writing in a while, unless you include inane posts on Facebook or in various forums. So I did what any sane person would do, I asked for suggestions of what to write about on Facebook. Now with skipping over Ben’s creepy fan fiction generator generated topics, time to move onto Shurley’s home work assignments that he may or may not plagiarize for credit.
Dear Sir,
Your inane ramblings have been brought to my attention by the President (for Life) of Burkini Faso, a close relative and sometime confidant.
As you enjoy such close economic links with our African brethren, particularly in the wonderful Sunny country of Nigeria and your immense wealth, due to the unfortunate demise of so many relatives in Africa, is venerated by all above school-going age (apart from those in the Sweatshops, they don’t need money anyway). I am sure you have heard of the new and vibrant company sometimes referred to as Gametrender , but more often than not , not mentioned at all (probably because it is so venerated that it is blasphemous to even mention something so awesome , by order of an ancient taboo or decree or passing whim of a crooked leader, or something).
We felt that due to our obvious fame in your eyes that you would be delighted to write a video game for ourselves and share in the profit. A 60/40 split with the sixty herein referred to as the sole and full amount of remuneration , in a currency of our choice, random unmarked bills, and the forty herein referred to as the amount of goodwill that you shall accrue through your beneficial acts.
Failing that you could write a loosely Smartphone related article for Gametrender, who loves your style!
The people of Africa eagerly await your response, please enclose cheque and nonsensical ramblings.
I really can’t tell if you’re serious or not. I have absolutely 0 links to Africa, especially Nigeria. Well, unless you count my friend’s estranged wife or some former co-workers, but none of them were from Nigeria. If you’re referring to this post as me having close econimic links with Africa, then your are sorely mistaken. That was me just putting off some steam and replying to some spam. I don’t do business in Africa or with Africans (unless they buy something big from Sears, and I just help them put it in their vehicle).
Also, you were right, Gametrender is more often than not not mentioned, as I’ve never heard of it. I’d ask some of my gamer friends if they had heard of it, but they don’t seem to be awake at 2:30am. I have an idea as to why I’ve never heard of it. All I know is that it was registered in April of 2011, expires in April of 2012, was registered to a man in Minnesota, is hosted in Pennsylvania, and is apparently run by a man in the United Kingdom (I’m assuming Duwain is a male name, if not, I apologize). Actually looking at the website also shows why I haven’t heard of it. At a very quick glance, it seems like it’s an Android Fanboy site.
Now I don’t mean any disrespect at all with that last comment. I’m a bit of a Final Fantasy fanboy myself, and I don’t hide it. Here’s my problem, while I own an Android phone, I don’t play many games on it, which seems to be the main focus for your website. All I really play is Words with Friends, a Facebook game. I also use it as an MP3 player or a Flashlight from time to time. I also use it to look up items at work, so I know what I’m looking for. I don’t use it as a mobile gaming platform as I prefer to use items that are designed specifically for that purpose, which I why I own both a Game Boy Pocket and a Nintendo DS. While both systems can only hold one and two games respectively (without use of piracy tools), I would still rather game on either system than my phone. I went for a cheap phone (I don’t believe in buying cell phones when Verizon likes to give shitty ones out for free), so it doesn’t play games that well. Now I don’t have anything against gaming on the Android platform. My phone played Angry Birds decently. I would rather just use a device made specifically for the purpose of playing games.
As to your proposal about making a game for you and/or your website. A 60/40 split seems a bit unfair. Especially since you worded it as the 60% is 100% of the profits, while the 40% is me developing, writing, producing, programming, scoring, testing, and you publishing the game, all for free, since you refer to it as goodwill that I will be accruing through beneficial acts. Now I don’t like to work for free unless I truly believe in the cause I am working for. Something like I just described is a lot of work, and a warm fuzzy feeling in the cockles of my heart just isn’t going to cut it. I require monetary compensation for services rendered, especially if I’m going to be doing most of the work.
All in all, I appreciate the kind words. It’s not often that I hear from people outside of a close group of friends that praise my writing style. I’m not sure if I’d be the right person to write loosely based Smartphone related articles, as I mostly use my smartphone for making phone calls, sending text messages, and as a flashlight. I don’t stress my phone enough, nor do I ever do any research on other phones. I just simply don’t care that much about them to do any sort of research to write an article, let alone multiple articles (as I would feel obliged to do if I were writing for your website). Now if you branched out to other avenues of gaming, such as Console, PC, or Handheld gaming, and helped with me obtaining the games to write about, I’d be more than happy to write articles. That’s something I know. Gaming on Smartphones, I don’t have the slightest clue where to begin.
In that case would it be possible for me to have your bank account details. I’m an avid collector of sort codes and pin numbers. A hobby I’ve cultivated for a number of years and across a number of state borders.
No , but seriously, I loved your writing style and thought I’d respond in kind. Gametrender is me ( I’d love to meet this guy from Minnesota though as the closest I’ve ever been there is a business trip to San Fran, 4 or so years ago, keeping mostly to my local haunts in the -as you shrewdly found out-Uk most of the time). Moving towards a world where Gametrender is as well known as the Queen so without the rantery and tangenital thoughts wonder if you’d like to do a guest post and I could rant away for a few hundred words on your site too if you wanted. All in the name of making our respective rantery more well known throughout the net. You abhor gaming on Smartphones? Awesome write an article along those lines then, saying why, you’ve practically written it in this post anyway. In the meantime , follow Gametrender in any way you see fit and cook up a diabolical idea for a guest posting for me to scribe( oh and by all means pass me on to those gamer friends of yours) . Keep up the rantery, it’s awesome!