I really need a new job

My last escalation of the night the guy wanted me to call Samsung to waste their time. No, that’s not me editorializing. Those were his exact words. He can’t uninstall an app from his phone after an update, and he wants me to waste my time and Samsung’s. I advised him, like any sane person would, I can’t transfer him to Samsung for that reason, but I can provide him with Samsung’s number so that he may contact them regarding his issue. Does he say sure and go on his merry way?

Of course not. That wouldn’t make for an awesome story now, would it? His reasoning is that if I call them, it will be documented by AT&T and by Samsung that this was a stupid idea to automatically install applications on an update that you cannot install and that more people will do it and they will stop doing it, because large multinational corporations bow down to 5 year olds and Cartoon villains.

He kept wanting to remind me that he couldn’t be the only person who has problems with apps you can’t uninstall. I wanted, so badly, to tell him “No, you’re not the only one. You’re just the only dumb mother fucker who thinks throwing a tantrum will fix it.” He honestly thinks that by him calling in, that Samsung Rep, who would most likely hang up, is going to document why he called in. What would they document?

Customer is self-important
Customer is delusional
Customer is possibly Cobra Commander
Simpsons did it!
Why bother documenting?

At this point, he is demanding that I be an accessory to interstate harassment, which I’m sure is some sort of felony on some books. He then wants to argue semantics and states I can transfer him, I just don’t want to. He was right, I very well could transfer him to Samsung, and I really didn’t want to do so. I have no call metrics, I don’t have to worry about my call transfers at all. I could transfer him to Samsung if I really wanted to be an asshole. In fact, I should have transferred him to Samsung and dropped off the line. Could have avoided the entire mess but no, I am not going to play his silly reindeer games and indulge his delusions. So I tell him to stop insulting me, because at this time he is starting to treat me like the child he has been acting this entire time and insulting my integrity. He then gets very defensive, claiming he didn’t insult me rather than ask how he was insulting me. I advise him one more time I am unable to transfer him to Samsung for a subject that is not an issue and in fact working as designed and he hangs up on me.

Why the fuck didn’t I just cold transfer him to Samsung in the first minute of the call, and avoid the entire mess? Probably because I haven’t posted in a while.

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Insults arent meant to be literal.

http://fox40.com/2013/07/05/man-arrested-for-sexually-assaulting-horse/

Really brings a new meaning to ” Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on,” doesn’t it?

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Work for Netflix? Don’t mind if I do!

Ok, I saw this while clicking on random links either starting from Facebook or Yahoo!, not sure which.  Hopefully someone from Netflix is reading this because I wouldn’t mind a better job.  In the spirit of fair plan, I’m going to attempt to answer these without a whole lot of prep time, even though I already read the questions once so I had about five minutes to think over each question.  Here goes.

 

1.  “Do you consider yourself talented?”

At some things, yes.  This is a very broad question.  I could go on for days on stuff that I perform very well, but a better question would be “Are you talented at X

2.   “What is your take on the Netflix culture?”

It’s a culture of culture.  Within your library you have many different movies/shows on a variety of different subjects.  Your culture is a record of our collective cultures.  It is also a culture of  entertainment.  There is nothing better than a great movie shared with a bunch of friends.

3.  “Who is Netflix’s most dangerous competitor today and in 5 years?”

The one competitor who can legally provide a library of media for free, the Public Library.  While they don’t have as expansive of a library as Netflix, they do offer a similar service, for free.  They may not have your on-demand service, but they will allow you to borrow a movie for a few days free of charge.  This is the same today as it is five years from now.  

4.  “How would you deal with a customer who wants to cancel their account?”

Let them.  Thank them for the service they did pay for, find out why they’re cancelling, and let them leave.  Don’t pester them to try and keep them as a subscriber.  Don’t give them anything free or discounted service in an attempt to save.  What this does is instill the thought in their head that you can afford to have lower prices, that you’re desperate to keep them. 

While yes, their service was important, but some people need to realize that they’re not unique, they’re a series of 1’s and 0’s in a database among millions of other people.  Your $7.99/month does not make much of a difference when 30,999,999 other people are paying the same price. 

5.  “How does Netflix work?”

Magic and Flying Monkeys.

6.   “What is your 90 Day Plan if we hire you?”

Hour 1:  Freak out that I’m actually working for Netflix

Hour 2: Calm down, stare at my computer, and start working.

Hour 3 – Day 90:  Do my job to the best of my abilities.  I’m talented, after all.

7.   “Compare yourself to a well-known leader.”

This guy.

8.   “Describe your work history in detail.”

Man, I was hoping this was easy, and forgot about this from my proofread.  For the sake of this blog, here’s the quick and dirty:

Make sandwiches, throw other people’s stuff, help a new generation of idiots get on the internet, throw more people’s stuff, force other people to load aircraft in my own special way, organize people’s stuff before they buy it, educate people about the history behind the game of football, help people out with their smartphones who have no reason to own a smart phone. 

9.   “Create and solve an equation about how much revenue a certain marketing program would be bringing in in a variety of circumstances.”

I have this marketing program that advertises a new service.  For $1 more a month, you can now get the DRM for any movie you watch so that you now legally own it.  $7.99 + $1x = $$$

10.   “Tell me about a challenging situation with a customer and how you were able to handle it successfully.”

Define successfully.  I could give you examples of where I keep my cool on calls where people are being idiots.  I could also give you examples where a call challenged my skills, but the customer was more patient than I.  More context is needed for this.

11.   “How do you know if one algorithm is better than another?”

Compare results?

12.   “How is your current job similar to this job (at Netflix)?”

I get paid to do a job.

13.  “What motivates you to do well?”

Very large animals chasing me down the hall to my office.  If my job quality slips, the door opens more and more. 

14.  “How do you differentiate between a good software engineer and a great software engineer?”

The amount of bugs. 

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Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow is awesome if just for its take on revisionist history.

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Dr. Who

Time to start watching some Dr. Who, starting with the Pilot episode. I’ve been putting this off for a long time. So far, I’m not liking it, but maybe it’s because I’m watching a pilot from 1963.

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Arguing politics on Facebook for no other reason than to argue politics is fun. Especially when the other person doesn’t know that I don’t give a damn about the left or the right.

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More Emails!

Ok, this one isn’t me responding to spam or scams. This was me sending out an email to an elected official. I probably won’t get a real reply, as I’m not a constituent of this politician. I did get a basic form mail, but since my views do not match this person’s, I highly doubt I’ll get any response back other than, “thank you for your concerns” or “rot in hell, sinner!”.

——–

MIME-Version: 1.0
Received: by 10.58.241.138 with HTTP; Sat, 29 Jun 2013 00:27:21 -0700 (PDT)
Date: Sat, 29 Jun 2013 03:27:21 -0400
Delivered-To:
Message-ID: <>
Subject: DOMA
From: Kenny Wells <>
To: dmetcalf@pahousegop.com
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=089e013a0b1a0a64f304e045ed53

–089e013a0b1a0a64f304e045ed53
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

I want to point out that I am not represented by you, as I live in Ohio. I
recently read a news article where you show the resolve of your strong
faith (Insert Link Here ).
I commend you for sticking to your guns and blocking your fellow
Representative Brian Sims from speaking. It takes a lot of courage to
stand up for what you believe in in the face of being so wrong.

Why am I saying that you’re wrong? What do you have written on the home
page of your website?

Since being elected to office in 1998, I have fought for limited, more
efficient government, less taxation and local control of education. I
strongly believe in the rights declared in our United States and
Pennsylvania Constitutions, and I will continue to defend the personal
freedoms of all Pennsylvanians.

Let us examine that, shall we? You strongly believe in the rights declared
in our United States Constitution. While looking at your website, I see
that you strongly defend the Second Amendment of the United States
Constitution. What about the First Amendment? I mean, while you aren’t
making a law respecting an establishment of your religion, you are
abridging the freedom of speech of another American. Just because you
believe something is against God’s Law, does not mean you have the right to
prevent them from speaking.

By preventing what you call an open rebellion against God, you are in turn
starting an open rebellion against the United States. You are putting your
personal beliefs ahead of the Constitutions that you swore to uphold. You
are a traitor to the United States of America. You are working for
yourself in your elected office, rather than working for the people you
represent. Just because you don’t want to hear what Representative Sims
does not mean he cannot say it. You blocked his free speech. What if the
roles were reversed? What if he were to block you from stating that
reversing DOMA was an affront God’s Law? How would you react?

I’m sure you would be angry. You say you defend the personal freedoms of
all Pennsylvanians? Prove it. Start by defending those of your co-workers
and allow Representative Sims to state what he needs to state. Defend his
freedom of speech.

Thank you for your time,

Kenny Wells

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Final Fantasy XI

Time to finally beat this game.

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Sadness, how you lovingly embrace me

I just realized something. Right now I’m making the exact same amount that I was making when I was working for Netwalk back in 2003, to do the exact same type of work, but I’m doing a hell of a lot more for it. If you adjust for inflation, I’m making less than I did at Netwalk. I need a new job.

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Pipe dreams

I’m sitting in the lunch room at work listening to someone claim that the Cleveland Cavs would be better off in Canton instead of Cleveland.  Because Canton is such a large market that would be able to support a major league sports team and that no minor league team has ever left Canton.  Oh wait…

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